I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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