i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
