Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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