Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
