I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
