YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
