I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
