i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
