ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
