I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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