Rock
Scissors
Fuck
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
