i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
