I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
