You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
