As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
