Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
