My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
