it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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