I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
