Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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