the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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