3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
