if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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