okay pat passed out under dana's car
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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