My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
