i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
