I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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