he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
