so explain again why im purple
no
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
