she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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