life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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