Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
