We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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