Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
