just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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