If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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