Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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