So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
