tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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