Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
