Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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