hotel room ftw
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
