i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
