I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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