then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
