Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
