CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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