my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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