I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
