I feel like abortions should bother me more
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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